The Power of Words

Language Is Symbolic

Unlike a photograph that directly represents what it depicts, words are symbols - arbitrary representations that have no inherent connection to what they represent. The word "chair" doesn't look like a chair or sound like a chair; we simply agree that this collection of sounds refers to that object.

This symbolic nature means:

• Words mean different things to different people
• New words can be created at any time
• Meanings change over time and across cultures
• Misunderstanding is always possible

Denotation and Connotation

Words carry two types of meaning:

Denotation

The denotative meaning is the dictionary definition - the literal, objective meaning of a word.

Connotation

The connotative meaning includes the emotional, personal, and cultural associations a word carries. For example, "home" and "house" have similar denotations, but "home" carries connotations of warmth, belonging, and family.

Skilled communicators pay attention to both denotation and connotation when choosing their words.

Common Language Barriers

Several language-related issues can interfere with clear communication:

Bypassing

When people use the same word but mean different things, misunderstanding occurs without either person realizing it. The solution is to clarify meanings rather than assume shared understanding.

Abstraction

Abstract language is vague and general ("we need to improve communication"), while concrete language is specific ("let's schedule weekly check-in meetings"). Moving down the abstraction ladder improves clarity.

Jargon

Technical language or specialized vocabulary can exclude those unfamiliar with it. Consider your audience and define terms when necessary.

Equivocation

Equivocal language has multiple possible meanings, creating ambiguity. Being more precise reduces the chance of misinterpretation.

Communication Styles

How we express ourselves falls into different patterns:

Passive Communication

• Avoids expressing opinions, needs, or feelings
• Allows others to infringe on rights
• Often leads to resentment and unmet needs

Aggressive Communication

• Expresses needs at others' expense
• Violates others' rights
• May include blaming, intimidating, or attacking

Assertive Communication

• Expresses needs and feelings clearly and directly
• Respects both your own rights and others' rights
• Seeks win-win solutions
• Uses I-statements rather than you-statements

I-Statements: A Key Tool

I-statements own your experience without attacking the other person. They follow a pattern:

1. Behavior: "When you [specific behavior]..."
2. Feeling: "I feel [emotion]..."
3. Impact: "Because [consequence or reason]..."
4. Request: "I would prefer [what you need]..."

Example (You-statement): "You never listen to me!"

Example (I-statement): "When you check your phone while I'm talking, I feel dismissed because it seems like what I'm saying isn't important. I'd really appreciate your full attention when we're discussing something serious."

The I-statement describes the same situation without blame, making the listener more receptive to hearing and responding constructively.

Designing Clear Messages

To communicate clearly:

• Be specific rather than vague
• Check for shared meaning rather than assuming
• Consider your listener's background and vocabulary
• Match your words to your intention
• Ask for feedback to verify understanding